1 800 Girlfriend Finder
by breathlessnightxx
Summary: “So let me get this straight: you want me to help you look for a girlfriend to prove to you that I don’t like you and I was never pregnant? That doesn’t even make sense.” Katrick, Slight OOC, AT
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** YES! I finally came out with chapter one! I'm super excited for this story, and I'm really proud of myself for coming up with an original idea! Thanks soooo much for all the reviews I got on my one-shots so far :3 You guys are the best! Seriously, I don't know what I'd do without you! I hope you enjoy ;)

_**WARNING: THIS STORY IS RATED M FOR A REASON. PROCEED WITH CAUTION.**_

**Disclaimer: **10 Things I Hate About You belongs to _ABC Family: a new kind of family._

**Summary:** "So let me get this straight: you want me to help you look for a girlfriend to prove to you that I don't like you and I was never pregnant? That doesn't even make sense."

**Category:** TV Shows-10 Things I Hate About You

**Genre/s:** Romance/Humor

**Story Type:** AT

**Character Type:** Slight OOC

**Rating:** M (R-NC17) for teenage pregnancy, alcohol, drug use, profanities, scenes of sexuality, and crude behavior.

**Pairings:** Katrick, B x C

* * *

**1-800-Girlfriend Finder**

_Let me reintroduce myself  
As a man with a cause  
I've had a lot of time to think  
And look at who we are  
And I've got nothing left to say  
But we've got to carry on  
And I've got so much left to do_

—_Let's Go, Cartel_

**Chapter One**

"I never knew how to worship until I knew how to love."  
-Henry Ward Beecher

* * *

For once, the always loud and boisterous cafeteria was silent. Kids had their food right in front of their mouths, frozen like if they moved a bomb would explode. The lunch ladies were halfway done with serving people, only their ladles were suspended midair.

Every single person in the room was silent…and openly gaping at the scene that had unfolded in front of them.

Chastity was standing there with a smirk on her face like she had just successfully ruined somebody's life. But oh wait! She has! _Mine_.

Then there was Bianca—poor, poor Bianca. Not. She was standing there, frozen like everybody else; as if she had thought she was cohering in a completely different plan to ruin somebody else's life, not her own sister's.

Cameron was only three feet behind Bianca, the love of his life, but he, along with Michael, his best friend, had also stopped to stare at me in surprise.

And finally, there was Patrick Verona. Patrick, Patrick, Patrick. Poor guy couldn't even manage to look shocked he was so surprised. Or maybe he was dead on about his assumptions and just had them confirmed.

Because right there, in the middle of the busiest time of day in the most crowded room, Chastity Church had just told the entire student body that I, Katarina Stratford, wasn't a virgin.

And you know, for high schoolers, that's not such a big deal. But because this is me we're talking about, the girl who punches any guy—excluding Patrick—in the stomach for even coming within five miles of her, this is a big deal. Especially because there were teachers, including the principal, in the room. _Lucky me._

"And what exactly makes you think I'm some dirty slut like you who likes sleeping around with any guy?" I asked with a raise of an eyebrow.

She smiled at me like I was some charity case she really didn't want to be working on at the moment, or ever. She daintily unzipped her purse and took out a photo, handing it carefully to me. I blanched.

It wasn't a picture of me. It wasn't even a picture of a guy. No, this was different.

It was a sonogram.

I looked for any signs of forgery but I saw none. My name and birthday was on the top along with the age of the baby: four weeks old. I laughed incredulously.

"Wait, so you're trying to tell me that I was pregnant and got an abortion?"

She looked purposely confused, like she was predicting everything that was coming out of my mouth.

"No, I'm saying you wanted to keep the baby but had a miscarriage."

I stared at her.

And stared. And stared. And stared.

Finally, I burst out into hysterical laughter and I think she was actually offended that I wasn't taking this seriously. But me being pregnant? I never even had sex let alone stopped taking birth control.

"Honestly Kat, it's okay. We're all here for you," she said with fake sincerity.

I stopped short. "Wait, you guys actually believe this crap?" I asked dubiously.

She gasped. "Kat, that's no way to talk about your dead baby!"

"Umm, I don't think a conception of four weeks counts as being prego," I said.

"Well then, I guess its good there was a miscarriage; you probably would have drowned it anyways."

She was trying to get me to crack, I knew she was. But honestly, there was nothing to crack about. I never was pregnant, I never had sex, and I probably won't even think of having kids until I'm married with a stable job and lifestyle. I had a good comeback, one that insulted her for degrading the female population, but before one word was out of my mouth, she pranced away like the little bitch she was.

So there I was, stuck in the middle of the lunchroom with hundreds of people staring at me. I looked down at the sonogram again out of concern. I frowned.

I ran out of the room to catch up with Bianca who had trailed out after Chastity. I walked the route to her locker, but she wasn't there. I checked the girl's locker room, her next class, the gym, the football field, and almost every single bathroom in the school, which was a _lot_. She was nowhere to be found.

"Haven't found Bianca yet?" a deep voice said behind me.

I turned around to see Patrick, and my curiosity overrode my angry retort.

"How did you know I was looking for her?" I asked.

"I didn't. You just told me." _God, how I hated that smirk. God, how could anyone be so sexy with that smirk._

I growled at him. "Are you finished annoying me yet or is there some other reason you're here?"

He faked resentment and said, "Gosh, I'm hurt Kat. I was just trying to be nice to you, especially because for once you don't have to stalk me. No, I was coming to ask you if being pregnant means you're over your obsession with me." _And the smirk was back._

I grimaced at him, trying to make what I was about to say true—after all, I was a terrible liar.

"I don't have an obsession with you." _Just the _other_ you._

"In case you haven't noticed, I said '_over_.'"

"You're seriously messed up," I said, adding an eyebrow raise for effect. After all, I was doing pretty good at lying so far.

"So who was the guy?" he asked.

"I'm not pregnant."

"Obviously not if you had a miscarriage. Gosh, keep up will you, Kat?" His mocking was really starting to piss me off.

"Two things: one, I never was pregnant. And two, don't talk so lightly about miscarriages. There are really people in the world who kill themselves after going through that."

He completely ignored that last comment and instead concentrated on the first.

"Right, and I sell girl scout cookies."

"Oooh, can I buy some?"

His expression never wavered and he merely shook his head.

"When are you just going to admit that you like me?"

I seethed at him, my vision turning red.

"Never, because _it's not true_! And I was never _pregnant_!"

He looked at me carefully for a moment before an actual smile graced his lips.

"Then you wouldn't mind proving that to me, I guess."

I froze. _Uh-oh. This wasn't good._ Doctor's visit, public announcement, giving away my virginity—so many ways for him to go about this.

He took my silence as a sign to continue.

"It's simple really; if you want to prove that you don't like me and that you were never pregnant, find me a girlfriend."

I blinked. "Excuse me?" My confusion turned into anger and denial. "No way, I'm not finding you a girlfriend you pig. Besides, I can't exactly publicize 'greasy slime ball looking for sex,' now can I?"

His grin was disturbing on a whole new level, as if he was expecting me to turn him down with those exact words.

"Who said anything about sex? I want a real girlfriend." Anger turned into bewilderment before morphing into hurt. But I wasn't about to show him that I actually cared he wanted someone, and that someone wasn't me.

I bit my lip. I had three options.

One, I could agree and find a girlfriend for him, completely ruining all chances with him but the pregnancy rumor would stop. Two, I could say no and still have a shot with him meanwhile people still thought I was one of those girls who get pregnant at the age of fifteen. Or three, I could just runaway now and pretend we never had this conversation while pretending nobody else exists.

I wanted to pick choice three. _So badly_. But I knew he'd never let me live it down, so I stuck it out.

"So let me get this straight: you want me to help you look for a girlfriend to prove to you that I don't like you and I was never pregnant? That doesn't even make sense."

"It's a 'yes' or 'no', not a 'who' or 'what'."

I closed my eyes for a moment. _I'm so going to regret this._

"Fine. But how am I supposed to find you a girlfriend?" I asked with a roll of my eyes.

"That's for you to figure out," he called out as he started walking away with a casual wave of his hand.

Bastard.

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**A/N:** So how was the first chapter??? :O yeahh, I know, not so good. But honestly, I just wanted to set up the basis for this story in this chapter, so nothing too exciting :D Anyways, I need feedback, ideas, criticism, anything! So…

**Review!**

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	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Chapter two! :3 thanks so much for all the reviews, subscriptions, and alerts I got :) seriously, they totally made my day :P Sorry about not updating for a while, my laptop got lick a million viruses on it and it had to be taken in to be fixed and I finally just got it back. Anyways, from now on updates for this story will be every other Monday and COH will be each Monday in between…and off we go into Padualand…

_**WARNING: THIS STORY IS RATED M FOR A REASON. PROCEED WITH CAUTION.**_

**Disclaimer: **10 Things I Hate About You belongs to _ABC Family__: a new kind of family._

**Summary:** "So let me get this straight: you want me to help you look for a girlfriend to prove to you that I don't like you and I was never pregnant? That doesn't even make sense."

**Category:** TV Shows-10 Things I Hate About You

**Genre/s:** Romance/Humor

**Story Type:** AT

**Character Type:** Slight OOC

**Rating:** M (R-NC17) for teenage pregnancy, alcohol, drug use, profanities, scenes of sexuality, and crude behavior.

**Pairings:** Katrick, B x C

* * *

**1-800-Girlfriend**** Finder**

_Every night she crie_

_And dies a little more each time_

_Say you love me_

_Nothing left inside_

_Say you love me_

_And the silence will set her free_

—_The Silence, __Mayday Parade_

**Chapter Two**

"When we are in love we often doubt that which we most believe."

—La Rochefoucauld

* * *

"What's your favorite color?"

"Does anybody honestly care what someone's favorite color is?"

I sighed loudly in exasperation.

I rolled my eyes. "Listen Patrick, if you want your stupid girlfriend then just cooperate with me so I can get on with my life." _And go back to stalking you._

"You mean going back to stalking me?" _Damn._

Yes, I was currently sitting down at a lunch table outside with Patrick Verona asking him what his favorite color is while everyone in the school was watching me after the little episode in the cafeteria. No, it wasn't so I could go and buy a million different things in that single color just because he likes it.

Patrick and I had made a universal decision—meaning Patrick alone—that we would both—meaning me—come up with some questions—so I could do all the dirty work. Fun, right?

So me being the _nice_ one, I came up with some questions to ask him. Unsurprisingly, it didn't seem to be working out too much.

"Just answer the damn question Verona."

"Fine. Pink."

I snorted. "Can you at least try to be a little more serious here?"

He looked affronted. "Who says I'm lying?" I stopped laughing immediately and stared.

His infamous smirk was back.

"Just joking."

I huffed in frustration before running my hand through my hair.

"Fine, next question: who's your role model?"

"Britney Spears."

I screamed in aggravation and stood up angrily, grabbing my books roughly in the process.

"That's _it_! I give up!" I was about to leave before turning back towards him so I could give him a piece of my mind. "I've had it with you and your smartass replies, your goddamn carefree attitude, and that stupid sexy smirk of yours that never leaves your stupid face you stupid idiot so just leave me alone and go do stupid things that stupid people do!"

I was out of breath by the time I finished but I felt a bit better. Normally, that little outburst would have drawn the attention of the student body towards me. Luckily, all the attention was _already_ on me so I had nothing to worry about.

"Try saying stupid one more time," he said grinning.

Or not.

I closed my eyes and silently counted to ten. No putting people in hospitals this time Kat, you just moved to a new town and a new school. Don't ruin it by getting expelled.

I sighed and opened my eyes before starting to walk away with whatever dignity I had left: meaning none.

"Kat," he called.

I kept walking and was even brave enough to give him the finger.

"Kat, wait up!" he said, continuing to call after me, his voice never getting further away which meant he was following me.

Bad Kitty Kat. No bad thoughts about killing the mean man.

"Kat!" I jumped, literally, because this time instead of hearing his voice twenty paces away, I heard it right in my ear.

"God," I yelled whipping around, my hair smacking my painfully in the face, "why not just break my eardrums while you're at it!"

He look confused and then smirked.

"You didn't stop," he said.

"Yeah, no shit Sherlock. Now what do you want?"

"I just wanted to tell you something, but you keep distracting me," he said, his smirk turning into an authentic smile, his hand running through those curly locks of his and his eyes sparkling with mischief and curiosity.

For once, I could see why all those pretty girls threw themselves at him. It's not like I never noticed how hot he was or how sexy his deep voice sounded, but I never realized that deep down, Patrick Verona was…real. He didn't just want sex all the time. There was someone in him that seemed genuinely…amazing. And that pissed me off, because I was positive I was the last person on the planet who would ever get to see that side of him—the side that I so desperately tried to bring out from time to time.

"It's not like I try to distract you! You're probably just staring at my ass or something and you get sidetracked."

"You're doing it again."

She sighed. "Fine, what is so important for you to tell me that you come running after me?"

He paused for about five seconds and I raised an eyebrow.

"Well?" I prompted.

His eyebrows scrunched together in frustration.

"I forget."

I gaped. He wasn't serious. I fumed in silence and started to turn away but he grabbed my arm and tugged, making me turn back towards him and cause my chest to press against his lean, muscular body. His strong, sure hands gripped my hips gently, his hair tickling my face, and his hot breath wafting across my neck as his mouth was centimeters away from my ear.

"It's brown by the way," he whispered, his voice stampeding through me and sending shivers from my head, down my body, all the way to my toes as his finger carelessly twirled a piece of my wavy, brunette hair before dropping it and walking away like nothing had happened.

I stood there in the hall for a few minutes, waiting for my heart rate to diminish and for my erratic breathing to go back to normal.

_Oh, the things Patrick Verona did to me.

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**A/N:** Hmmm…where to next? :O I guess you'll just have to wait next chapter to find out :P Thanks for all the reviews last chapter!!! Now if only we could beat the 38 reviews I got…so, **feed my addiction and:**

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